Rhianna photo taken by police. She has a bloody swollen lip and bruises. Chris Brown is also said to have bitten her and told her he was going to kill her.
I would hate to be the mother (or father) of the young pop star, Rhianna. Her parents are probably pained and frustrated for not being able to reach their daughter by phone or, if they do reach her, not being able to talk some sense into her stupid head about going back to her confused, bully batterer boyfriend, Chris Brown. I can imagine her Mother has tried to convince her that if Chris Brown hit her once he'll hit her again, and again, and again. But Rhianna is too young and she thinks she's too much in L-O-V-E (i.e., addicted to the conflict between her and Chris) to be able to go cold turkey and kick him to the curb. It sounds like Chris is Rhianna's crack cocaine and she is so addicted and in such denial that she needs an intervention immediately. He is probably addicted to battering her either emotionally or physically because that's his concept of manhood. How pitiful.
Young love is a jumble of confused feelings and emotions. It's a lot of panting and hyperventilating, rapid heartbeats and obsession with the other person. It involves jealousy because in the complicated process of establishing one's young psychological identity, one wants, one needs to be accepted by the person she has chosen to be her love, her boyfriend. Perhaps it is too painful for Rhianna to accept the fact that he really doesn't love her for if he did he wouldn't beat her. You don't willingly hurt the person you profess to love. Maybe that is why she is in denial, denying that he will do it again because he told her so, he has wined and dined her, and bonded with her all over again. I wouldn't want to be twenty-one again (Rhianna's age) because it can be a jumble of painful emotions as in the case of Rhianna for she is caught up in some of the most critical issues she will ever face. And, none of what she is going through is logical. It is emotional and that's why it is so hard to get through to her.
Years later, if she's lucky, she will be able to look back on this time as one of lost opportunities. She will wonder why she chose to reconcile with a boyfriend who, is equally or even more confused about his identity, beat her mercilessly, bit her, and threatened to kill her. In a deeply Freudian way, I wonder who in his life did she symbolize when he said he wanted to kill her. It wasn't her but could it possibly have been his stepfather who beat his mother? Could it be his mother because he felt she should have stood up for herself, and she should not have chosen such a man to expose her young son to? We will never know. What we do know is that two famous immature young people who are rich and confused are in a very bad situation. And they need psychological intervention.
Rhianna after the beating. Photo by Associated Content
A lot of the emphasis has been placed on Rhianna's need to embrace victimhood and to reject the nineteen year old boy who pummeled her face as though she had gone through a meat grinder. Chris Brown also needs a lot of help because his concept of manhood is grossly distorted. Posturing, threatening to kill his girlfriend, beating her to the ground while being "the man" in his group of "yes! men" and adoring pre-pubescent girls is as far from responsible manhood as he can get.
Rhianna and Chris Brown always show a lot of touchy feely passion.
It is so sad that teenagers are now beating their girlfriends as evidenced by the fact that thousands are now victims of physical and emotional abuse. This is a relatively new thing. When I was in college, a girl who lived in the same dorm used to leave with her boyfriend each weekend --from Friday evening to Sunday evening. She was a beautiful girl from a well-to-do family. That did not fortify her fragile self esteem from allowing her boyfriend to bring her back to the dorm with a black eye and bruises all over her face. She tried to conceal her bruises with make-up, sunglasses and a head scarf pulled close to conceal her bruises. I always felt sorry for her because even at my tender age I realized she didn't have the strength of will to resist him. I was glad he left her for another girl--one who didn't appear to be the type to allow him to abuse her but I don't really know. I also hope she didn't choose another abuser.
When I was a kid, I heard my Mother and Grandmother talk about how terrible it was that some women they knew explained that their men beat them because they loved them. As in a parent telling a child that he/she was getting a spanking because the parent loves him/her enough to discipline and make them better children. All I could think at the time was, I didn't want a boy to love me that much!
"Bad girl" has its consequences especially if her partner is an abusive boyfriend.
Poor Rhianna. With all her confusion and jumbled values and emotions about her relationship with a boyfriend whose fuse is so short that he is absolutely going to beat her again, she is incapable of making the right choices. What she can do is listen to all the people who have reached out to her to tell her they support her. She has to hear some of the entreaties of the thousands of people who simply want her to get off this treacherous path to destruction at the hands of a boy who doesn't have a clue as to who and what he is. It bothers me, as it must bother her parents, that she has thus far refused to listen to all of those who have had experiences similar to her own. Her hard head will ensure that she find herself on a merry-go-round of abuse at the hands of Chris Brown or other boyfriends in the future.
He will beat her again. She can count on it!